bittenburg

I freaking made it. This afternoon, 'round 1:30pm. I ground, pugged, and soloed my way to 70 on my hunter. ALL. BY. MY. SELF.
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So since it was raining and crappy out and I didn't feel like doing anything I should be doing (studying, cleaning, going to get foodstuffs, etc), I've spent most of my day camping in the office playing Battlegrounds on WoW.

As always, it starts out okay - pre-7pm is usually fairly idiot-free. But as the night goes on, they get more and more prevalent. By 8:30, they're out in force. If you're in Arathi Basin, they're telling you that "offense is the best defense". By 9:00pm, they up the ante to "Hurry! There's only 6 opposite-faction players at Blacksmith! Gogogo!" and "Zerg farm!" and "Fight at their graveyard!". By 10:30, they've ceased actually caring about winning and it's some faux-female saying "Oh, tee hee, I think I'm getting a crush on this handsome paladin at Mine!"

Yes, I am absolutely 100% serious.

There are few compensations for this idiotic behavior, but they are satisfying. Like a druid who I kept getting stuck in BGs with who kept healing me and was actually pretty damn good at holding down a base (surprise). Or continually annihilating a hunter and a rogue all by myself (I love ice traps) while holding down a base.

Anyway.

I did actually go get groceries today, which was overdue probably (peanut butter jelly time all day every day eventually does start to be gross). I'm the type that just wanders aimlessly about the store with a list. I honestly enjoy grocery shopping, so it's hard for me to be irritated, even by people with annoying children that throw cans of beans on the floor. It was only when I was at the checkout...

I'll cut to the chase. The clerk squished my bread.

I had piled everything neatly, organized by class. Therefore, the bread was between the produce and the dairy. Canned goods at the end. It was all okay, until she pushed the canned goods into the tiny area reserved for packing up the groceries, squishing grapes, plums, and bread together. The bread took the hit, but oh, she was not done. As I frantically tried to pluck the grapes from amidst the cans of corn and pineapple, she sent another wave, this time of cat litter and a bag of cat food, washing over the canned goods.

"Excuse me!" I exclaimed, "Can you hold on a minute?"

She looked at me, the bored, vacant stare of the terminally brain-dead. Then, it opened it's mouth. "Hwah?"

She scanned the paper towels, and stared at me again, keeping the rubber belt rolling and sending another wave of groceries piling up. I was looking at my squished bread.

"I said, stop," I ground out, as I fished the bread from under the cat litter.

She made that classless "humph" noise that so many ill-behaved grocery minions make, then started yelling at some girl who had just walked in the door to "hurry up and get on the clock because I need to go home!"

I finished packing my groceries up while she stood there, her mouth hanging open as if she was waiting for a convenient fly. I tried to hurry as best as I could, by myself, and she just kind of stood there. Then she said, "Can you PUH-LEEZE punch in your PIN so this transaction can finish?" while I was still mid-packing.

Normally, I am not a violent person, but given Squished Bread, Crushed Grapes, and layers of canned goods, pita bread, and lunchmeat all thrown together, and having a clerk tap her foot irritably while I bagged my groceries, in my mind's eye I was leaping wildly over the counter, ninja-style, and braining her with a can of corn before letting out a wild ululation and the battle cry of "You have squished my bread! You and ALL YOUR KIND shall die!". However, I could do no such thing. The corn was already bagged.

I did remark pleasantly, however, as I was 'finishing' the transaction, that it was such a lovely day, and perhaps with a mouth hanging open like she had a fairly good chance of catching a nice fly.

"Oh, my GAWD," she said, "I can't believe you just said that to me!"

"Well," I said, putting my card back in my pocket, "I did. Have a wonderful day."

Incidentally, the bread is not a such a casualty as I thought, I was able to semi-reform it. The grapes, alas, were a half-loss. Such a pity.

1. There is a squalling, snot-nosed child in the supermarket and your first thought is to cast Turn Undead before bubble-hearthing out.

2. When your significant other asks you where you'd like to vacation that winter, you say, "Darnassus."

3. Your hamster dies and you sigh, thinking of how many Goldenbark Apples it's going to need to make it happy again after you revive it.

4. Your boss calls you into his office and, without thinking, you edge behind his chair and prepare to sap him, hoping he'll stay dazed long enough for you to sneak safely away.

5. You find out that you have to go visit your mother-in-law, so you start calling your friends to get a 40-man raid together.

6. You get fired after attempting a 'Leroy Jenkins' in a corporate meeting with your firm's new clients.

7. You wonder if you've gained enough faction with the cutie at Starbucks to warrant a 10% discount.

8. When your girlfriend starts complaining about her day, you say "n00b! Learn2play!" and are puzzled when she insists you'll be more comfortable on the couch that night.

9. You go out for cocktails after work and order 'Morning Glory Dew' to replenish your 'mana'.

10. You get stuck in traffic, and when your boss questions you on your lateness, you blame the 'server lag'.

Having already decided what tattoo I would like done first, I've started making plans for a second. I'm not sure what I want this to be yet, but I'd like it tattooed on my lower back (if it's long) or right ankle (if it's small).

I haven't really found any quote or words to be relevant yet, but I'm thinking maybe a Murloc would be neat or maybe the Alliance shield from World of Warcraft. Yes, I love the game that much.

Another idea would be the wolf chapter picture from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (with a quote stretching below), or a stylized Sword of Truth with one of the more relevant quotes from those books underneath.

I realize it's kind of weird, but probably no more weird than getting Hello Kitty tattooed on your upper arm, or some other anime-style person. The difference is simply WoW/HP/SoT > Hello Kitty/anime.

I'm leaning towards the murloc, though.

I swear, male Night Elves on World of Warcraft are the sexiest toons I've ever seen. It's quite, quite terrible because everytime they laugh, it's like this visceral gut reaction for me, akin to "gimme that NOW!". And they're TALL, and HANDSOME, and do the STRIPPER DANCE... I don't read erotica anymore, I just log on World of Warcraft and pay a male toon to dance for me.

Teabiting says: I'll pay a male NE 20s to dance for me for 2 minutes
Lothan dances with you.
Nitron dances with you.
Uvebeenganked dances with you.
Teabiting cheers.

Ok, so the female Night Elves are pretty good looking too. And have the sexy laugh. And have a similar, sexy stripper dance. But other female Night Elves make me irritated, mostly because they're played by men pretending to be women, who only play the character to get benefits from other guys who think they're girls. It gives real gamer girls a bad name. Once, a guy messaged me saying I was a guy. I guess I insulted him on the general chat or something. He said, "Dude, calm down."

I get offended. I am not a dude. I tell him this. He says, "Yah right, i no girls and ur not a girl". To prevent a similar situation, argument over my own sex, I gave my guild a picture of myself that they put up on the website, so that there is NO MISTAKE, I am a girl. To prove it, I am making a stupid face that no one in their right mind would submit if they were on World of Warcraft pretending to be a girl to get favors from other guys. And, because now all the guys in the guild are nice to me. And most of them are hot Night Elf males.

Stop looking at me like that.