bittenburg

I hate accounting, and am convinced I am going to fail this next test. I wish there was something like a comprehensive review. There is not.

I did, however, go to the store and fill my NEW FRIDGE with new prospective science experiments food. I even bought roast beast at the deli counter, which was my first time ever doing that. I thought you just went up and said "Roast Beast Please!" and they sliced it up for you. But no, we had to play twenty questions. How thin would I like it? Is paper thin too thin? How about this (*deli associate shows meat*)? Would you like the Boar's Head, Smithfield, or Food Lion brand? Would you like peppered or non peppered? Rare or well done?

GODDAMNIT JUST GIVE ME SOME ROAST BEAST 1 POUND AND ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE THANK YOU.

It's like going to Starbucks. Instead of ordering a mocha no-whip extra-foam non-fat latte you order a pound paper-thin-sliced, well done, non-peppered Smithfield roast beast.

This is FAR too much complication for deli meats. If I wanted this much complication in my life, I would get banged up by some unknown man and hoist myself and 6 prospective lovers off to Jerry Springer. I should definitely not be ready for Maury Povitch just because I ORDERED A WHOLE DAMN POUND OF ROAST BEAST. I felt like Dr. Phil might come charging through the door any second and demand, "And how do you feel about that? Do you like it? DO YOU REALIZE YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC WITH SIX EMACIATED CRACK CHILDREN TO FEED AND HERE YOU ARE BUYING ROAST BEAST WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?!?"

Anyway. Eventually I hi'ed myself home with roast beast and groceries in tow (did you know they make Indian snacks with curry? I didn't, so I bought some. I also bought lightbulbs, which happen to be important to my well-being as without them, I self injure by throwing my limbs into inconveniently placed furniture) and firstly put the roast beast in my new deli drawer and stood admiring it for awhile. Then, I put the six-pack of Guinness in the fridge and it FIT PERFECTLY under the first shelf. No more taking beer out of the package! OH FREEDOM, I CAN STORE BEER WITHOUT HASSLE!

Then I hugged my fridge. I'm glad no one was around to see our intimate moment.