bittenburg

This year's "theme" for Christmas dinner is going to be built around a haunch of venison that Mike got from a coworker.

Last year we did "rustic", as in, few ingredients and pure tastes. This year, I think we're going to go a little more elaborate. I already know I'm going to roast the venison with apples and probably fresh herbs. I'm thinking of a wild-rice entree (very common in Minnesota, which is the last place I had venison roast), some homemade garlic-rye bread, and hay-boiled mashed potatoes (or maybe mashed potatoes combined with a hay-infused stock)(yes, I'm serious - hay. Don't laugh or make that yucky face at me. They will be fabulous). Cranberries are a standard, I was going to try a more home-made version with fresh cranberries, grated orange and lemon, dried cherries, and sugar. We will not be doing green beans in any shape or form, but probably broccoli or braised endive, and perhaps a spinach dish with something bright-flavored for contrast. For dessert, I was thinking along the lines of something baked (pear tart, maybe?) with apple and brandy sauce, though I'm almost tempted to try a bouche de noel with a lovely pumpkin roulade recipe I have (I admit, though, when it comes to meringue mushrooms, I'm a little scared). I almost wish it was more people than just my mom and Mike and I.

Last year's feast was particularly good - I think the simplicity of the ingredients (nothing had more than 4 separate ingredients, except the bread) was refreshing, considering the year before we had Christmas dinner with sweet potatoes boiled in some sort of unidentifiable syrup, ham with some kind of sweet glaze, beans with a cream of mushroom soup sauce, marshmallow salad, and mashed potatoes with canned gravy (the overall effect being "cloyingly sweet if not canned" and later being "upset stomach"). I know a lot of people would not even consider doing without certain traditional dishes (like the syrupy sweet potatoes that seem so popular here), but I'm fortunate enough to have an urge to experiment and inflict it on others, and I'm also very fortunate to be with a man who doesn't wish only for marshmallow salad and sticky-sweet glazed ham for Christmas (and can handle it when I announce I'm going to try to find dandelion leaves for salad).

Maybe next year I'll do a "traditional" Christmas, but usually my need for 'tradition' is sated at Thanksgiving, and Christmas is the time for a wild fantasy of a meal. And since I'm cooking, it's highly pleasant to be able to do what I wish and fantasize all I wish.

There are times when I meet people who are currently going through a parent's or loved one's illness, sometimes with cancer, and I just can't help but offer a hug and get tears in my eyes myself.

Cancer is one of the things where, if you must live after losing someone to it, it automatically puts you into this unwanted classification of people who will have their hearts wounded anew at seeing someone struggle with the reality of it.

I feel like I should say this because President Obama is getting so much flak for his decision to increase troop levels in Afghanistan. It should be said - none of us like this decision. ALL WE WANT is our troops to come home, be safe, and protect our country. That's all we want.

But.

We have created this war. Or rather, a former president who shall not be named here created this war, then went off gallivanting to Iraq as if he again got the geography of the world mixed up, again. Yes, it was a bit like being on a runaway horse with the bit in its teeth: he wanted to go to Iraq, so he took all of us with him, regardless of the fact that at least a good half of us really did NOT want to go.

Now, we have a new president. One who, despite recent criticism, is really getting stuff done. He didn't have anything to do with Afghanistan, really. Ok, maybe he did a little bit, but not really. He's not out of his first year in office yet and here the World is, expecting that he'd have universal health care up and running, both wars finished, Gitmo closed, international relations repaired, and a bunch of other stuff. That's a little steep, you know, for the first year.

So now we have a new president, one who has made the decision to "finish" (or try to approximate a finish) a war that should have been handled years ago. I do not think it is the wrong decision. Yes, it really, really, REALLY sucks that we have to put more troops there. No one wants to.

But ask yourself: do we have a choice?

We got dragged into this war, and frankly, some of the people who are now saying we need to turn tail on it and get out, without ceremony, are expressing the most unpatriotic and unAmerican (yes, I said it) sentiments I can imagine.

We are Americans.

We are the people who founded a country in the face, the very f***ing FACE, of a larger, more superior force. When World War Two happened, and Europe was overrun with Nazis, and things were looking VERY grim, WE WENT OVER THERE. We didn't say "Hm, it does not appear to be Our Problem, let's stay at home, shall we?" NO. We drove a few thousand miles and went over there and f***ed some shit up and got up in some Nazi face. When North Korea attacked South Korea, we didn't STAY HOME. We went over there, too. When Iraq attacked Kuwait, what did we do? WE WENT OVER THERE.

This is one war, one conflict, that we should stick to and finish. We went over to Afghanistan and turned the country upside down looking for that jackass that dealt us the blow on 9/11. We tore that sh*t up, as we so commonly do. But then we got diverted and distracted. And instead of trying, like nearly every other time that we have gone over and kicked some ass, to rebuild the country and give it democracy (however flawed that logic can be in places) and give them what they need, some of us want to turn tail and betray our own principles as a nation.

This is one time that we, as Americans, should band behind our President. You may not like him. You may not respect him. You may not think he's making the right decision. But we, as a nation, must get behind him on this, because the freedom of Afghan people is so very important. We cannot give up on this just because it seems hard. It's going to be hard. It has been hard, on all of us. None of us like it. None of us particularly enjoyed Iraq. We ALL want our troops to come home, to be on our own soil, and it is hard, very hard, thinking of them so far away. We all want them to set their feet on American soil and never have to leave it, ever again.

But we are Americans. We have been through hard and laughed at it. We have charged headlong into wars and we have helped rebuild nations. We have made ourselves a name in being the champion of the weak and the standard-bearer for democracy. We yet have a mighty heart and a purposeful blade.

Set aside your conflict, America, and let's finish our war.

Note to self:

There is no fiscal period yet set up for 11/09/6717.

You cannot do an entry for $75,110,203,000. I'm pretty sure it exceeds this company's current net worth.

There is no physical site with this company called "OMG".

You do not need to do a cost/benefit analysis on Farmville, Mafia Wars, or the auction house in WoW.

I had a terrible dream last night that I had to do a full budget and analysis for aliens that used a foreign currency with no current exchange rate. The aliens were led by my accounting professor and his jingle-bell tie that he wore to class last night.

I am so tired. Asleep at 1am and up again at 5:30am two days in a row is not doing me any favors.

Sam is now officially enrolled in the Canine Manners class at the SPCA. It starts this weekend.

I am excited (yes, my life practically revolves around the animals). I've been looking for an opportunity to get Sam more socialized with other dogs and to train him a little better. He really is quite smart, he picks up tricks like nothing (he learned 'speak' and 'paw' in a couple of hours), but he gets panicky in new places and places with a lot of distractions and 'forgets' everything. We're already a little ahead of the game, since he does know 'sit' and 'down' and is somewhat familiar with the clicker, but working on 'come here' will be the biggest part of his training. I've had little to no success trying to teach him that outside of the house (hence, the class).

I have to admit, I'm pretty impressed with the SPCA here. They offer a variety of classes, and many of them are for 'adult' dogs (instead of the 'puppy classes' I've seen elsewhere that need you to have a dog 6 months old or younger). I didn't realize this until I signed up for their newsletter. Registration usually is pretty cheap - this course is $90 for 7 weeks, and their other courses are similar (Petsmart was $135 for a 5-week basic-training course, and their training 'area' is tiny, which is comparable to other courses offered around the city). And since Sam was adopted from the Richmond Animal Care and Control, they also continuously offer a discount for various services (microchipping, classes, etc.). They also regularly host events (silent auctions, pet-friendly parties, adoption drives, etc.) and are a major presence in Richmond (at almost *every* event, you can count on seeing them there, with animals). They also have the annual 5k Dog Jog and Run, which is a pretty big event in Richmond every March.

Anyway, I'm just plain excited to take the class with Sam. I'd about given up on finding an affordable training class that I could take him to that would include a little more than sit/down/come for an adult dog when I found this one, and I'm really hoping it turns out well.

I am thankful for, in no particular order: family, friends (including all of you!), pets, a job, ability to go to school, decent health, intelligence, a President I like, health insurance, and Cecilia Bartoli's voice, which can still make a sob catch in my throat for its beauty.

And this, as well:



Happy Thanksgiving to all of those that have occasion to celebrate it.

First of all, thank you to all the folks in the armed services who are dedicated to protecting their countries. Thank you for your sacrifice of time, effort, and skill. I don't think a single day should go by that we don't remember your immeasurable dedication to your country.

Secondly, and on a lamentable note: Fort Hood. A tragedy and a painful reawakening of wounds in this country. I really felt like people were getting over the 'Muslim' thing from 9/11. I felt like here, finally we are seeing beyond a veil or turban or skin tone and seeing people. And now, it seems reawakened. Every news channel I turned on this morning was talking about it and focusing on the one aspect that seemed to make it understandable for people: the shooter's religion.

And it seems like the fight against religious stereotypes will have to begin anew.

Nidal Malik Hasan, you are a disgrace to your country, your religion, and most of all, yourself.

Man, I miss Canada sometimes. Good thing I have the internets, so I can read Canadian news. The comments are 100x more amusing than US News (where comments can be divided into three categories: penis enlargement/blog ads, religious gibberish, plain gibberish).

Nunavut teen rescued from ice floe.

Comments:

I am not falling for this again. Have they looked in the parent's attic? -CBC

Well, the Americans had balloon boy and now we have ice floe boy. At least we're not faking it!! -SWC

Only in Nunavut. Maybe this kid was like Papillon. Instead of using a bag of coconuts to escape, he used a piece of ice. In this world of telecommunications, space exploration, and terrorism (I am sure I have missed one or two things) we still have people getting stuck on a piece of ice, how refreshing. -WBBM

Dear MoveOn.org...

I supported Barack Obama when he was making his White House bid - both by donating money and time. And yes, I donated some to Moveon.org, as well. I was happy to - I felt that we faced the most important presidental race since I started voting, and felt that he was the best man for the job.

But... now you guys keep asking for money. "Just $25", the 5 e-mails a day beg. "Just $20 will help us make this important TV ad." I get three, four, sometimes five e-mails a day from Moveon and affiliates.

Personally, it's really bumming me out. I never see any ads on my television (besides the local ones). I don't see any change in my senators' and Virginia representatives' views on the health care bill. I supported you guys because I felt it was important to present a more unbiased view - and in your "About" section, you guys still say that you're in search of "grassroots" campaigns and against "partisan" politics.

Yet, the majority of the e-mails that have been sent recently have been about the "evil conservatives," "out of touch GOP", and a dozen other Conservative = Republican = EVIL!! variations.

Now, look. It's not "evil" to be conservative. I highly support fiscal conservatism, and think that conservative values (with a small c, not a big C... there is a difference) should be what America is governed by. But you guys are totally going after the word itself - like, "these damned conservative Democrats! Tell them we won't support them anymore if they don't support a public option!" "Conservatives are going against health care... will you donate $25 so we can get an ad on the air?"

The very partisan politics you claim to be against are rife in your e-mails, and this is what is bothering me. You've become a liberal Democrat mouthpiece, and that's disappointing. You guys are no more against partisan politics than is FOX news.

And please stop asking for $25. It's annoying. If you were to ask for $5, or $10, I may let you slide. But $25? That's like giving you a tank of gas for my car. I don't think so. And it's not just some e-mails. It's almost EVERY e-mail.

Quite honestly, I've started deleting your e-mails without reading them - because I know they will all contain that oft-parroted phrase - "Can you donate $25 so we can blah blah blah?" I don't even know if you care anymore - it's just some phrase that you throw in there somewhere.

You want to organize? Then organize. Throw me my Senator's numbers in an e-mail. Give me the date and time of some sit-in. Give me an address to write to. Give me something to do, because I'm not throwing you money anymore. Not when I see approximately 0 effect from all your supposed "ad campaigns" that never seem to materialize, and not when you're bashing conservatism and lauding liberalism like it's some sort of trophy you get for donating $25. I'm not about to go join the GOP, but you guys aren't helping the Democrats' case either.

If you want to try really motivating me and other people like me, how about abandoning the partisan politics and adopting a reasonable approach? Or would that be too "grassroots" for you?

Sincerely,
Me

Listen up, Minnesota.

So it wasn't enough that you elected a semi-pro wrestler as your governor. It wasn't enough that you recently decided bong water is a controlled substance. It wasn't enough that, like, you got the Greatest Quarterback in Very Recent History and you stole him from Wisconsin.

It's just not enough for you, you know?

NOW you've gone and elected Al Franken. ELECTED him. A Saturday Night Live Comedian! What, you didn't have enough "funny" in the halls of the government with Jesse Ventura prancing about in his feather boas!? You didn't have enough "HA-HA" with being the State That Birthed Hubert Humphrey, whose name used to send every elementary-school-aged child into uncontrollable paroxysms of laughter? Now you need a guy with charmingly tiny spectacles talking LAW? WHAT do you think the rest of the COUNTRY thinks? HMM? DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERY OTHER STATE IS ALL "Oo, Alaska, they had that crazy nut Sarah but you know SHE wasn't a PRO WRESTLER THAT FLAUNTED AROUND IN FACEPAINT AND FEATHER BOAS" and "Well, YEAH, Shwartzeneeegegererr, "I'LL BE BAHK" etc., but seriously... those crazy snow-lovers in Minnesota elected A COMEDIAN (like, super-pro comedian) to be their senator. WHAT do you think of THAT"??

I mean, really.

Do carry on. It's wonderful.

---

It should be mentioned, though, Minnesota, that when people ask me where I'm "originally from" or where I got this "charming accent", and I tell them that I spent all of my formative years in your cold embrace, they tend to cast me the Crazy Eyeball like I'm going to pop on a feather boa and wrestle them to the ground whilst singing "Blowing In The Wind"... a base tendency which I've only given into once, mind you, but really. If we're going to do the Crazy, I mean, at least elect someone who will wear a tutu in the State Supreme Court or something, because nothing says crazy like wrestling in a tutu.

I am very tired of being sick.

Especially of this flu. Good god, it's horrible. I can deal with nausea and fevers and the like, but breathing issues are awful. My boss, who had spread the flu around our office, was quite cheerful about it. He was telling us how his wife goes out of her way to avoid contact with him.

I was thinking, "Gee, if only WE could ALSO avoid contact with you."

I just really want to feel better right now. I had just started exercising again when this came around, and I feel awfully depressed about it. I can't even walk across the parking lot without wheezing (with the 'flu), and missing work isn't any good for me either.

Way to go, boss. I appreciate the yearly bonus.

Every time I see another "OMG Ralph Lauren photoshopped his models to be skinnier!" post, I imagine the following:

Ralph Lauren, standing over his art director's computer. "NO! Make them skinny-AIR! SKINNY-AIR! Those hips, no, too much curve, make her collarbones JUT. They must JUT. Tell Eliza NO MORE SANDWISHES BEFORE THE SHOOT. No more sandwishes EVER! They may have cigarettes, and one cracker apiece. ONE CRACK-AIR! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

But you know, part of me doesn't think they're doing it, anymore, to actually make the models skinnier or uglier. They're doing it for the press. Because now, in honesty, they have people like me looking at their (grotesque) ads and saying, "Hmm. I quite fancy that sweater. Yes."

I didn't know you could get a false negative with a flu test. I mean, you have it or you don't, right?

All weekend I've been feeling a bit short of breath and a bit under the weather. We received the new treadmill and I'd been using it, so I attributed it to overdoing the exercise a bit (now that the doctor released me a couple of weeks ago from medical hold or what have you). Sunday night it was worse, and then all day at work on Monday it was really starting to get to me. No fever, no cough, nothing except a bit of nausea, slight pain when I was breathing, and slightly short of breath.

Monday afternoon, I took off from work early and went to the doctor. She did some tests, a chest x-ray, and a flu swab and told me that I had chronic bronchitis.

WTF?

I had bronchitis once, last fall, but it was accompanied by a painful, hacking cough and sore throat. I didn't have a cough, but had a bit of a sore throat. As far as the 'chronic' part... does once a year qualify as 'chronic'? The doctor prescribed some antibiotics, and so on into Tuesday.

Tuesday was not any better. Today I woke up, felt awful, but still was going to go into work. Then, I got sick. M took me to the doctor, and naturally, I'm afraid. Since things didn't go so hot last month, I was worried about a blood clot or something like that, given my absence of other symptoms. The doctor examined me, they took blood, and did another (awful, awful, awful!! I hate them!) flu swab. This time, it came back positive. He explained they'd been having some errors and false negatives with their tests and none of them knew what was going on with it. I asked him why I'd been told I had chronic bronchitis, but he just looked at me funny and said that he supposed it was because I had shortness of breath. I asked him if there was any danger because the doctor I'd seen previous to him had told me to take aspirin for the pain, he said there shouldn't be, since I didn't take much.

Ugh. So now I have the flu. Not only the flu, but the special flu that resides only in your chest cavity (type B?) and can only be caught by seals and humans. And, is exceptionally contagious.

Just wonderful.

Listen up, November and December. You'd better be behaving better than these last couple of months, or I'm just not going to acknowledge you at all.

"Fat people are gastrointestinal daredevils." - Stephen Colbert, on why fat people should not be charged more for health care than, say, people who sky-dive or people who are in high-risk industries.

Do you keep tabs on ex-boyfriends and -girlfriends over social networking sites? Do you think it's emotionally healthy or dangerous? Amusing or painful?

Yes, I keep tabs, sometimes. I wouldn't go out of my way anymore for it, but I just like to know they're around.

I don't consider it dangerous, because for the most part, any lingering feelings had dissipated long ago. The only so-called 'dangerous' one is, I suppose, my ex-husband - you can't go through things as we did and feel entirely ambivalent to the person. I think that if he hadn't seemed to move on, I'd probably still be in that weird limbo state where you feel like you can't live with someone but you can't live without them. It was dangerous because it was intense but... since he's gone on with his own life apparently, in a way, I felt like I could go on with mine. There was also the part about his family probably hating me in there, too... nothing better than a little familial hatred to hasten your emotional departure.

But, for the most part, it's amusing. Especially when someone that you once dated had really, really, REALLY wanted you to fail hard, and obviously, you haven't. That is amusing. It's probably not emotionally healthy to cackle to yourself, "Well, you apparently DID NOT go to Hollywood and DID NOT pass go and DID NOT become famous and DID NOT marry the blonde bimbo that you swore you'd be with forever...", but even so, I do, and a small part of me enjoys it in a vicious way.

Bad Mel, bad.

I would like to work on a reader-involved project, writing possibly the Worst Romance Novel ever, with every cliche I can think of thrown in for good measure. However, I need some help deciding where to start...


Poll #1468200 The Worst Romance Novel Ever
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 11

What time period shall it be set in?

What shall the heroine's name be?

Everyone knows all good romance novel heroines are orphans. How did her parents die?

What shall she look like?

The hero, who sweeps her off her feet, will be encountered first at:

What will be his profession?

What will his income be?

Lastly, how shall he sweep the heroine off her feet?

Feel free to leave comments if you can come up with something more outrageous.

So.

Robert Jordan died a couple of years ago, right? Very sad, thought he'd live another 30 years, but ALAS, God did not want any more 'Wheel of Time' books to come out. I think God was thinking, "Ok, really enough with the books" or something, because He didn't let him finish the last.

HOWEVER. TOR HAS DECIDED TO KEEP THE GRAND TRADITION OF MINDLESSNESS GOING. A new author has been chosen to continue Robert Jordan's "work", chosen by RJ's widow.

R U SERIOUS.

This series is the greatest blight in the history of Barnes and Noble. It has no plot, at best a crazy power-hungry but ultimately incredibly stupid "hero", and with some regularity, the whole world is in danger because he's a friggin' psycho. Don't get me wrong, I read US Weekly, so I know a pile of drivel when I see it, but rare is the day I would read said drivel if it was 2000 pages long. Seriously. The Lohans and Angelina's hatred of Jen gets old after awhile.

But not to Robert Jordan.

So it was with a serious cheerio I sent Robert Jordan on his way, thinking yes, finally, the blight on the aisles of the bookstores of the world will at least have an end. No more will I have to be jostled by prepubescent boys seeking the "J" section ("H-I-J, right, Tommy? It's not near "P"!") so they can get their fix. I thought, yes, finally. We can put "THE END" on it. "THE END", as in "GOD HAD TO LET HIM DIE BEFORE RJ WOULD PUT "THE END" ON ANYTHING." Yes.

BUT NO. THEY HAVE RESURRECTED IT. AND IT CONTINUES.

Here's the description of the new book - "The final volume of the Wheel of Time, A Memory of Light, was partially written by Robert Jordan before his untimely passing in 2007. Brandon Sanderson, New York Times bestselling author of the Mistborn books, was chosen by Jordan’s editor---his wife, Harriet McDougal---to complete the final book. The scope and size of the volume was such that it could not be contained in a single book, and so Tor proudly presents The Gathering Storm as the first of three novels that will make up A Memory of Light. This short (HA!) sequence will complete the struggle against the Shadow, bringing to a close a journey begun almost twenty years ago and marking the conclusion of the Wheel of Time, the preeminent fantasy epic of our era."

WHAT THE F.

He couldn't figure out how to say, "Rand dies, his descendants take his place, and they live happily ever after" in under three books? "The scope and size of the volume" - rather, the massive load of bullshit that RJ will visit upon you, the reads - "was such that it could not be contained in a single book."

Ok. JK Rowling limited herself to seven, and she is an excellent writer. Even Stephanie Meyer, grammar-challenged as she is, limited herself to three (four, if you count the last installment where she basically chucked a bunch of plotlines into her shredder and had at it). There was AN END. It didn't take THREE BOOKS to accomplish. Taking more than ONE BOOK to say "Ta-DA! The END!" is pretty much like those annoying people that say "Oh, see you later!" and then they pop back in your office for another question... then another... then another... then "See you!" then they come back and the process repeats until you are ready to throw whatever material you have at hand at their head in hopes of either killing them or stunning them long enough so you can get away.

But then, I had only to read the first of RJ's novels to understand that yes, he was definitely that sort of person. Only in words. Over a long period of time.

And now we come to this: his death was not even enough to stop the "Wheel of Time" from turning. I am firmly on the side that this is a contravention of God's order, but who am I to say? Brian Sanderson, I hope you're bringing your A-game, because obviously even God's against you in this.